This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
