The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
