Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Randomize
