Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
