I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
