you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
