ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
don't judge my taste in strippers
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Randomize
