you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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