Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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