did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize