we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
