this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
