I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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