I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
