Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize