Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
