Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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