I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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