How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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