Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I didn't shave. On purpose
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
