No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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