I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
