i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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