are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
