i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
