im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
