i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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