how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
