I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
