the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
