dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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