I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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