I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
