history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Randomize
