the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
