It's Friday. Sex?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize