I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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