i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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