HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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