he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
