Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
