I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We just shotgunned beers for America
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
