well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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