chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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