so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
