im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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