I smell stomach acid.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
