I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
where are you?
Hypothermia
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
