Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize