i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
