Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
false alarm, still single
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
