Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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