Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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