If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
