dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I have demons in me.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Randomize
