apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
organizing the empties. That sober.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize