My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
