It's a beautiful day for a hangover
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
