he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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