Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
