Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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