Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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