So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
