ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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