wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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