...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Couch. On fire.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
