So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
