i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
