A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Less talking, more tequila
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
