tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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