He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
