I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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