no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize