she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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