Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
