your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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