Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Hippo gnu deer
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
