Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize