I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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