she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
