I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
