WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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