Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
