tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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