I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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