He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
