I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize