Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
