When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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