are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
