Pappa wants mamma naked
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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