I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
