Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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