it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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