I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize